For my husband’s fiftieth birthday party, I booked a trip to Thailand. No kids, no friends – just us for the first time in years. I had an ulterior motive. I felt like we had lost the passion. We had become, to put it frankly, prudes. We had been wild and fun in our youth. I knew it would take something somewhat radical to bring it back.
We had been faithful to each other for over twenty years, and I felt our relationship was strong enough to handle a few shocks. Tom had always wanted to watch me with another woman. I took a deep breath on the first day we were there and asked the hotel concierge how to organise ‘a girl’. I didn’t know how else to go about it. He didn’t flinch and said he would send one to our room at nine that night.
I took Tom for early cocktails, my stomach in knots. Was I actually going to go through with this? When I told him what I’d set up, he stared at me, his mouth open. Then a huge grin spread over his face. He was thrilled and not at all nervous. We went to our room and a beautiful Thai woman arrived a bit later. She started by dancing for us. I could tell that Tom couldn’t believe his lucky stars. I took the lead and stripped down, joining her on the bed. It all felt very easy and I was extremely aroused by it all. We touched each other. She brought out oil and we were oiled up and all over the bed. Tom joined in, touching both of us. She started on him, moved on to me, and we basically ended up having a fabulous threesome. It was all totally safe sex and Tom only had penetrative sex with me.
It was the most exciting thing I had done in years. Later that night, we had a second round before she left. We were like lovers on a honeymoon. I could never have done this back home, but the holiday setting and the fact that we were completely anonymous made it feel safe. We got home and back to life as usual, but it gave us an erotic experience we will share for years to come.
One raunchy, daring sexual experience can put the spark back for many years. Erotic experiences linger in the mind, and we can get a lot of mileage out of them.
Her story: We pushed our boundaries
Our sex life had been on the skids for a few years and we had been talking about it for ages. We both wanted to find some spark again, and then we saw an ad for a weekend of ‘Tantra discovery’. We didn’t know much about it, but we both decided to do it. We knew it was a couple’s thing, though the facilitator was quite vague about what to expect when I called. I asked about sex. She said that there could be sex. It could be only with your partner, or with other partners. Or there could be no sex, just intimate touch, she said.
We decided to go for it. On the way there, we both agreed that we could have sex with other partners – as long as it was safe sex. We had been married for twelve years, and we felt we could handle it. We needed it. Neither of us had ever been unfaithful, but this didn’t really feel like it was quite that. We were doing it together. The rule was that we would never contact the other person again so that no emotional bond could develop.
Another rule was that if either party felt that it was not okay, we would both leave. The first evening felt awkward. We participated in meditation, breathing and dance. The next day we felt open and receptive. We took part in a massage and explored our partner’s body. We had the most amazing time. I could have got shy, or felt weird about it, but I just went with the flow. Other couples were moving on, massaging other people, but I didn’t feel ready.
My husband was following my lead, and I just thought I would leave with regrets if I didn’t take some sort of leap of faith. So I moved on to another man. We touched each other for hours, but there was no penetrative sex at all. Just bliss. I knew Mark was exploring with another woman, feeling pleasure and giving her pleasure, but I didn’t feel the need to get involved. I wasn’t worried about it.
In the car on the way back, we talked openly about how we had felt. We giggled a lot about the other people’s bodies, our own reactions and funny moments. There was absolutely no jealousy. I felt bliss, love and an incredible connection with Mark. Neither of us had actual sex with anyone else, but we shared intimacy, orgasms and incredible touch.
If you’re both comfortable with it, pushing your sexual boundaries can bring you closer together.