If you are dealing with an acrimonious split, you are going to have to call on all your inner calm to separate emotion from logistics. The key here is to keep personal issues out of all interaction. Not easy. Less so when money and kids are involved. Try this reflective approach:
Listen to the rage – but don’t allow it in. Allow them to rant, cry, scream and threaten. Let them vent.
Practise noble silence. Just shut up. You are not trying to make them feel better. Nothing you say will make any difference. Hear them out.
Instead of getting married again, I am going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.
– Rod Stewart
The first step out the door is the hardest. Each step after comes easier and faster, until one day you stop and realise you’re free. How incredible to discover your greatest champion is you. – Hallmark divorce card
‘I want out.’ Three little words. So simple. Sure, there will be technicalities. A fight about custody, a row about money, a squabble over the Battlestar Galactica box set. But then it will all be over. A clean getaway.
Every marriage is a journey that goes through stages of love, hope and hot sex. No matter how bad it gets, you both started out believing it was going to work. So you’ve lost your way and you’re sure that this time it’s going to end in divorce. It would be nice to be able to bill this stage as a star attraction, to promise that this next step is a walk in the park. Yup, that would be really great. But that doesn’t really happen, even if you and your partner didn’t decide to merge your DNA.
Divorce is a big thing. It’s bigger than you think. But there comes a time in some relationships when the pain of staying together outweighs the pain of tearing the family apart. And instead of lying around weeping, we’re going to leave this town in style.
Stacy was our third child in six years. On her first birthday, my wife told me that she didn’t want to have sex any more. ‘Not ever again,’ she said. It was as if I had received a blow to the stomach. She said that she had stopped enjoying it after our first child was born, and had kept trying to make it work. But she was very clear that she never wanted it again. It was all so strange to me; I felt like a man in a dream listening to her talk. This was the woman who had pulled me into a club toilet in a fit of passion. This was the woman whom I had made love to for weeks on end while hiking through India after our wedding. She said it was fine with her if I did other stuff, like watching porn and masturbating, but she wouldn’t tolerate an affair. A lifetime of no sex loomed before me. I was forty-two.
If you’re getting a bit set in your ways and your relationship needs a make-over, try out these new moves; they’re destined to help you find family bliss. Some are old-fashioned; some are wacky. Pick what suits you.
1. Old move: Negotiate a compromise
/New move: The eight-second kiss
Forget trying to win the other person over to your way of thinking. If they agree with you, they are probably just lying anyway. When a fight is going on and on and on, pull this move out of the bag; it’s a sure-fire jaw-dropper. Pucker up for a sizzling, long, engaging, wet ’n wild smacker. Ramming him against the wall is an optional extra.